“I am asking you this so as to make you understand the meaning of ‘self’ and ‘ego’ by real life situations...real life problems which you have to face in everyday life. We cannot separate the material world from the spiritual world. To understand the mysteries of soul we have to understand the functioning of the mind and how it uses us and become our master. We cannot run away from the world, our surroundings, and our circumstances. We have to learn to live in midst of all these things and yet unattached from them, unaffected from them, like a lotus flower, the symbol of spiritual life. We can’t run away from our problems...our worries because the mind which is root cause of creating all these problems will still be there.” He replied in a measured tone.
“ I have read about ‘lotus’ as symbol of spiritual life and I have reason to believe that why you have been named Arvind because it means ‘lotus’ and you indeed have all the qualities of lotus. Even amongst so much of difficulties and suffering, you don’t seem to be affected like a lotus flower which doesn’t let any water stick to it. However, even after reading, learning and knowing about the spiritual methods, I find myself unable to detach myself from my thoughts, my mind.” I said knowing well that I was kind of arguing with him out of my frustration to be not able to find that elusive peace which he had in spite of all the miseries enveloping his life.
“I understand your dilemma and that’s why I wanted to know about you and the things which trouble you.” He was calm and again made his point.
“I am 29 year old, married with one child. I have everything I can ask for. A good husband, money and loving family but there is no feeling of contentment. Nothing makes me happy for very long. I feel jealous of my colleagues and friends if they do better than me. Let me confess to you...though I try hard not to but I feel jealous even if they look better, have better pay checks or if they have better life, I mean more comforts, more privileges. I feel inadequate in some way and how much I try I can’t feel fulfilled. It’s like being general discontentment and frustration. And the funny thing is that I do realize that it’s all subjective, I have lot in comparison to so many others, I am quiet blessed in life but still I can’t control my thought process and inevitable comparison to others.
And I feel worse because I have insight about my discontent, that there is something wrong with me, that I should not be feeling the way I feel, that nothing can plug that bottomless hole, however hard I try though I keep looking for way out of it.” I continued with tears in my eyes, “In fact that was the reason, I wanted to meet you. I am fed up of my insecurities, my inadequacies, my fears and my discontentment. When I talked to you as a doctor, something from inner core of my being told me that only you would be able to help me get out of my misery...would be able to answer my queries. A person who has already won over himself, his pains, his traumas..a person who has already conquered his worst enemy can only teach me how to fight my battle and how to win over myself. A person who has known death can only know the meaning of life. Please help....though you are my patient, I take this liberty to ask you to guide me.” I couldn’t speak further, my throat was getting chocked and my tears were drowning my voice.
~ To be continued