Previous Parts: Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 |Part 14| Part 15| Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 | Part 29 | Part 30 | Part 31 | Part 32 | Part 33| Part 34 | Part 35 | Part 36
I could see that my relationship with people also started changing. It was not necessarily because of any change in them but it was because of my witnessing of my own action and taking responsibility of my action. Every time I interacted with anyone, I would take as much interest in my actions and words as I took in other person’s. And amazingly when I watched myself, I found it absurd to enter into argument, to show superiority, to feel any anger or jealousy and to react impulsively. Instead of reacting to any situation instantly, there was new entity emerging, the PAUSE....... a period of time during which I witnessed. And surprisingly, if I witnessed my reaction ceased to remain a reaction, it became a response.... I remember Arvind telling me, reaction happens when you are at the periphery, when your ego is the master and response happens from the center of your being when your soul is your master. The ego which was preventing me from contacting my husband after my separation was simply evaporated once I started watching my thoughts, my feelings and my emotions. He hadn’t changed a bit because he was still living with his ego.
He was still mastered by his mind, still living in the prison created by the mind. However even if one person is changed in the relationship, if one person becomes aware, one person understands the functioning of mind and its various complexities, it’s enough to carve out a beautiful relationship. When ego of one person doesn’t find ego of other to resonate....when ego of one gets dazzled by the presence of other person, nullified by the awakening of other person, relationship is then no more a platform of one upmanship. It becomes a journey of understanding and love. Then we don’t look for someone to fill our emptiness which is the result of our ego dominated life but we look for pure love and companionship. When we are aware we are so full that we want to give something.....love, happiness, trust than to ask for it from someone. On my initiative, I and my husband again started living together and my awareness had slowly started making effect on him as well. Our presence brings a sense of compassion, as sense of forgiveness in our interaction with people. And that was happening to me. It was not that I had to bring those qualities in my life with an effort...so as to feel satisfied that I was following a great path but it came spontaneously once I realize that whatever negativity other person is carrying is because of ego....because he is still not become aware.
Forgiveness happens spontaneously when you know that other person doesn’t realize what he is doing because of his ego. Compassion arises for the people who are hurting you or making your life difficult because you know its ego which is playing and not the soul...the being which is always pure and incapable of doing anything wrong, simply by default. In fact a new feeling had started emerging that our soul is one..... a knowledge we knew about but hardly believe. Once I started awakening, I decided that true love can happen only when we are present. When we are intensely present, the ego dies and with that all the manifestation of ego originated disorder dies paving the way for the true love to emerge. .. a love where there is no hankering, there is no possessiveness, no insecurity , no attention seeking tactics...you simply share the power of the universe and your souls beat with the rhythm of the universe. There is no demand, no desire; no expectation...what is left is simply the giving, the freedom and the joy. The love which originates from our ego based existence eventually causes misery and suffering. I found a great power....the power to love without expecting anything in return.
This de-conditioning was phenomenal because I could always love but was always expecting to be loved and cared in return and getting miserable if it didn’t happen. The perceptual sense of inner sadness which had gripped me since my daughter’s accident and loss of her foot was gradually replaced by a deep gratitude. A gratitude for what all I have, gratitude for her being alive after the tragedy, gratitude for able to live life the way I wanted, gratitude for all those things which I always took for granted. A sense of fullness replaced a sense of persisting inadequacy arising from ego oriented consciousness.
~To be continued