Previous Parts: Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 |Part 14| Part 15| Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20
However somewhere deep inside, I knew that if I had to overcome this tragedy, I had to accept it totally. Only my total acceptance would take me beyond. I had to stop myself from asking ‘Why’ as it only added to the suffering. Total acceptance could only have been possible if I could stay in the present moment. The misery starts the moment past and present enters. The thought that my daughter was in perfect shape yesterday and now she would be handicapped for life would stop me for accepting the reality. Total acceptance and living in the present moment seemed synonym to me and helped me tremendously to go through my trial. I remembered Arvind saying, our body can be affected, but our soul is always unaffected, inviolate. Although, only for a moment, but I was able to separate myself from my thoughts and observe it impartially. I could feel that my inner space, my soul was clouded by dark clouds of emotions which were not letting me see things clearly. However even this momentary realization...the glimpse, that I was separate from the cloud, and not the cloud itself, was a great healer.
I thanked Arvind for making me understand the meaning of ‘identification’. Non-identification helped me in de-conditioning myself. I was not reacting in the manner, I would have. Arvind told me during our discussion that meditation or yoga is not to react in a conditioned way but to have the power to choose our reaction, power which can only be bestowed to us by our soul and not be mind. My daughter eventually got discharged from the hospital and we took her home. Though being mother, it was hard for me to not feel depressed at times or not to be overpowered by feeling of helplessness but I knew that I was much better in dealing the tragic event in my life. In fact sometimes, I was examining my thoughts and would debate that whether I should call the incident ‘tragic’ at all.
An incident is always neutral but it’s our reaction which defines its power over us. And we can always choose our reaction if we are in sync with our soul. I met Arvind after a long time at hospital when he came for his checkups. Fortunately he was stable and his blood reports were good. I told him about my daughter. He responded with usual calmness and asked me to flow along the current of river called life. He added that if we decide to flow along the current rather than against it, we go along the power of universe and don’t create any further karma. However if we choose to go against the current, though we would not be able to contain or counter it, we would definitely be causing negativity and create further karma. I understood him quiet well because I could learn from my personal experience that by accepting and flowing with the current, I was creating room for positive changes. My refusal to accept an already occurred event would have only added to my misery. I realized that my daughter was also able to adjust positively to the new situation in her life because of my positive outlook.
~To be continued